A Meme that Brought both Gratitude and Pain

This wasn’t the post I planned, but perhaps it is the one that is more needed. I posted the meme below today and got two completely different reactions. The main one was many being grateful towards it, the second was a person triggered by it. I would like to address both.

Behind the Meme

I know a couple of people who have been really struggling lately – not from tower moments but from the perspective of their practices because of busy lives.

I think we all experience this from time to time, even the most dedicated people. Our physical lives gets busy and requires more focused attention. It is both good events as well as rough ones. A new job requires more of our energy as we settle in, learn new skills, and find our footing. Moving can be a wonderful gift but it is also a complete upheaval. Having a baby – a joyous and life changing experience, but it is also a lot of work and changes all at once. Life is messy and sometimes we all have to let some things slide to focus on the immediate needs.

None of this makes you a bad witch. Nor does it make you less of a witch. We can feel that in those times though. That little voice of doubt or fear that feeds impostor syndrome.

The intention behind posting the meme was to help those people feel better. To let them know life happens, and just because you are not crafting up some big spells does not mean your magic has faded away in the wind. In life there will be intense periods of work and the lulls of just living.

Just Living

There is a perspective here that I have touched on before but it’s important to me – Living in your magic!

I bet those people who feel like they are not doing anything will find they are incorporating their magic and their lessons in all sorts of ways. Visualization, on the fly magic through words, the way you stir your coffee/tea, even the way you are reorganizing something can hold elements of magic.

People spend a lot of time focused on serious study and practice, which is a good thing, but eventually that moves into a space of living IN your magic. Where all that growth and lessons, all the experimenting and experience just becomes a part of who you are and how you move in the world.

By seeing this perspective, reflecting on it, you can see all the ways that your magic is very much alive in these moments of busy life. Magic isn’t just a thing we do but a part of who we are.

Validation Is Internal

Most people were grateful for the small message. For whatever reason, we just need to hear from someone else that it is ok. We are not looking for validation from them, but just the feeling that we are not alone in it. Just someone saying – “It’s ok to take a break from the work aspect of it.” It doesn’t make us less magical. Adding in the perspective of living in your craft gives another booster and combats impostor syndrome.

Too often impostor syndrome is something that sneaks up in this time. The feeling like you don’t belong or not worthy. The longer the break the deeper this can go, making us wonder if it was all in our head. It is not others making us feel this way – it is something rising from within us.

One of the ways out is validating ourselves. Again, this is internal, it can’t come from outside of us. Others can make us feel less alone in situation. They can remind us of work we have done before, experiences we have had, and all the growth we have gone through – but they can not give us validation. That really is something we can only give to ourselves.

Any outside words that we turn into validation to boost ourselves is fleeting. It can start people down a dangerous road where it turns from a boost, to a need – seeking and requiring that validation to feel worthy. Yes, I know there are people who do this, but they also tend to live in impostor syndrome in-between their “hits.” It is not real validation – it is a fleeting dopamine hit.

The One Comment

This whole aspect leads us into the one person who spoke up. One who felt a lot of different negative emotions due to the wording of the meme. To her, the mind seemed to get stuck on the idea of validation. Yes, it was probably worded in a way that could suggest one thing, but from my perspective it was shining a light on another.

We saw the same words, and because we are different, with different perspectives, different backgrounds, different experiences, we both took those words a completely different way. This right here is a great example of why we have so many communication issues and conflicts due to miscommunications. I am really glad she spoke up though.

She took it the “valid” wording and started questioning – What is the criteria of being valid? Who is making that determination? Who gives the right to judge another?

It went further into the idea of the word “witch.” This person does a lot of things, and works with different energies that many would say is “witchy” but she does not associate/ claim that descriptor.

I am not her but I can imagine some of the emotions that welled up with this meme, due to those perspectives and experiences I am sure she has had with others. I have known this person for awhile, not close but several conversations over the course of the year. I know enough to know where some of this was coming from. So I calmly explained it was just being supportive and the validity can only come from within yourself – no one is judging here.

My heart went out to her though. Our community can be very judgey on the whole which is actually the root of this. How can we judge someone else’s experience, their connections, their practices, when they are not ours? We can have opinions from an outside perspective sure, but to actually judge is something else.

Personal Experience

What gives any of us the right to tell someone else that what they personally experienced is wrong, or how they felt about it was wrong. I specifically stated that example because it seems to be happening more in certain corners of our community. Think about it. Just because someone’s experience is different from yours doesn’t mean they didn’t experience it. That is some arrogant thinking in my opinion.

I can guarantee that my experiences with The Morrigan, with The Goddess Hel, and other Deities are going to be very different than some and similar to others. We see them different, we experience them different, our lessons and how we see Their core can be different. Who is right then? Both! Our experience with divine and spirits are for us – tailored to us – and based in what we need to heal and grow along our own path.

I know the way I create a money bowl is different then some others. We can get the same potent results, but our connections, our correspondences, are based in our own perspectives. So what is the right way? The answer is – YOUR way! Does it matter if I use pumpkin spice while another may choose to use dill and rosemary? No, it really doesn’t – all that matters is that we get the right results for us.

It is why I find it hard when people ask questions such as – What does this dream mean? What does this animal mean in my experience of it? Even tarot readings people ask for opinions on can be tricky because I was not the puller. There is intuition involved there and we may see a card slightly different – not enough to change the meaning of the card but enough to change the answer to the question. Our personal perspective, personal experience in that moment, the emotions we feel, and what our intuition says all play into the answer being sought and only the person asking can truly know that.

Every single thing you find in books, on blogs, in groups, on the internet, started out as someone else’s UPG (unverified personal gnosis) – their personal experience – their own story. Over time, more people started to hold the same beliefs/ perspectives – not everyone, but enough (I really have to ask at this point “what is enough?” because that seems vague). The more people, the more this certain thing starts to become “fact” in our community – but keep in mind, it is still not everyone, just a larger group. So what makes it truth?

Then the sneaky question rises – are all these people really experiencing this in this way, or are they just following what these others are saying, perhaps fitting in. I am absolutely not here to judge that. I would never know what the truth is anyway because I am not them. Again, it is arrogant to think I have the right to tell someone they are wrong about something because it does not match my own experience or perspectives. How do I know that they are not further along then me in some area, with deeper knowledge and experience, and in a few years I won’t completely understand what they are saying?

Let’s Have Some Grace

When someone has a problem with something you post – have some grace. Ask them about it or clarify to see if perhaps there a break down in intention. If you still disagree, that’s ok – have enough respect to respect those differences. Debate is healthy and needed – squashing another that doesn’t fit in your box is not.

When someone’s personal experience does not match yours – have grace. Our experience is shaped by us (past, experiences, perspectives, etc) and for us. Honesty when sharing is extremely important to me, but judging someone against our own personal experience is not needed. If you can’t reconcile or believe what they are saying, that is ok. You are not required to – but you also can just choose to leave them/ it be. We don’t need to argue as if there is going to be a winner – because in the end there won’t be.

When someone does something in their practice that is opposite, or even against, your own – have grace. They can not force you to adopt it and you wouldn’t want them trying to change yours to theirs. Let us listen to and possibly learn from our differences. Listening and having respect costs us nothing.

Let’s have Grace – courteous goodwill towards each other. Respect for our similarities and differences. Joy for the richness of life and how each of us can experience the same event or words and have completely different views or reactions to it.

I posted a meme to help boost people. I ended up hurting someone. Not with intent, but because we are different. Talking about it though was a moment of healing. Neither perspective changed on the words themselves, but understanding was created that we could both see.