Strengthening Your Relationship with Your Parents

Strengthening your relationship with your parents

Religion is a deeply personal and often profound aspect of many people’s lives. It shapes our beliefs, values, and actions and can play a significant role in our relationships, particularly our relationship with our parents. Not everyone gets along with their parents. Sometimes, being in the same room with them is a challenge. Let’s explore Strengthening your relationship with your parents.

Some of us will become our parent’s caregivers later in life. Others will strive to live as far away from their parents as possible. Whatever category you fall into, interacting and relating with your parents can change from one day to the next.

Understanding Diverse Belief Systems

When we’re children, our parents often seem invincible. I often tell my own parents that the older I get, the younger they are. When I was a child, I thought they were really old. Turns out, during that time frame, they were still in their 20s.

Not only do we form opinions about our parents’ age, we also begin to form opinions on religion, especially if our parents insist that we attend church every week with them. It’s important to understand that some families of origin insist that the children all be brought up in the church of the parents and their parent’s parents, and so on.

When we become adults, we begin to form our identity and opinion on church. We may choose to attend a different church from our family of origin or retain the same belief system and raise our children in the same faith. This can make it even more challenging to Strengthening your relationship with your parents.

Open and Respectful Communication

As children, we’re subject to being obedient to our parents. However, as we grow up and move away from home, we no longer have the same relationship with our parents. It’s still important to keep open communication lines and be respectful to our parents; after all, they gave us life.

It may be difficult to open up about different beliefs when discussing religious differences. It’s important to try and avoid confrontation and seek common ground. I recall a time when a friend was having a rough time, and her father told her, “If you just go to church, it will be fine.” This comment baffled my friend because she was in church every service and then some. Her father had totally missed the point. She was simply asking for fatherly advice, and he sent her to find it elsewhere.

It’s important to be free to express your opinions and beliefs, but if your beliefs differ from your parents, you’ll have to remember to be respectful. You may have to listen actively and parrot the conversation to get your point across. Strengthening your relationship with your parents isn’t always easy, sometimes it will take us out of our comfort zone.

Find Common Values

When your religious beliefs differ from those of your parents, it’s still important to remain respectful. You’ll want to search out shared values, such as your love and compassion for the same people. You can gently shift the conversation to shared values such as charities and mutual friends or family.

This is a great way to show your parents that even though you might have slightly different beliefs in God, you still love and respect them and share their values. Often, this is sufficient to help keep things on an even keel when you talk with them or visit.

Focusing on shared beliefs and principles is an excellent way to bridge the gap between their beliefs and your new beliefs. Even within the same church, many people have slightly different beliefs. It may mean that your conversations are more superficial; however, it’s an ideal way to bridge the gap and remain on speaking terms.

Embrace Differences

Just as no two people are alike (even identical twins have slight differences), no two people believe exactly the same. In order to maintain the relationship with parents, it’s important to embrace the differences in religious beliefs.

Diversity is a natural part of life. When we leave the house, we may see people of many different races and interact with people who believe differently than we do. These differences don’t have to be a source of contention. They don’t have to create conflict between us and our parents.

We must learn to respect their right to their own belief system, even if they choose not to respect ours. The older people get, the more likely they are to be set in their ways and not want to embrace progression. Sometimes, we have to agree to disagree and leave it at that.

Seek Guidance from Religious Leaders

If your religious beliefs and your parents’ beliefs continue to strain your relationship, you may wish to consider counseling from a religious leader or counselor. Often they can help you bridge the gap by teaching you different strategies to maintain the relationship.

Frequently, they can show you an entirely different perspective of things and help you or your parents understand that you can agree to believe differently. Whether you change faiths entirely or modify what you believe vs. what your parents believe, these tips and tricks can be helpful in improving your communication.

Communication is the key to any relationship. If you leave a visit or conversation with your parents and you feel like you’ve just been chewed out and reprimanded, you may wish to consider counseling or approaching the situation differently.

Create Boundaries

Boundaries are important. Often parents are just trying to maintain the relationship that they had with you when you were a child. Meanwhile, you’re now an adult and want to distance yourself and be your own person. This can give a whole new definition to Strengthening your relationship with your parents.

Setting and establishing boundaries is vital to maintaining the relationship. When religion is a sensitive topic, you’re going to have to find a way to state that you have your own beliefs respectfully. You may have to reestablish your boundaries from time to time to maintain the relationship as your parents age.

Establish ways to manage conversations and maintain your own belief system. You may have to suddenly get off the phone to avoid saying something you shouldn’t or to create your boundaries. One woman struggled with her mother’s domineering presence when she chose to work from home.

Her mother decided that since her daughter was home all day, she could call her at any hour and expect a long chat. Of course, her daughter was busy working, so she ignored her calls until after work hours. It took this mother a long time to understand that this was a boundary and her daughter was very busy. Her mother even went so far as to contact the police and do a welfare check on her daughter. Her daughter had to work hard to establish boundaries with her mother.

Practice Patience

It can take a long time for a parent to begin respecting your boundaries. You may have to tell them time and again, as the woman mentioned above who worked from home. It’s not your responsibility to convince someone of a boundary. It’s your responsibility to set the boundary and maintain it.

Eventually, the daughter had to tell her mother, “I’m working, and I cannot take your calls when I am working. Please call me after work hours so that I can concentrate on my job.” The mother tried a few more times, but the daughter ignored her phone. Eventually, her patience paid off, and her mother respected her boundaries.

It’s long been said that if you ask God for patience, you’re going to be tested a lot. Patience is a virtue. We have to learn to be patient. Picture Noah building the ark. He believed in God and ignored those laughing at him. It took many years to build the ark, but Noah was patient. Eventually, he needed that ark, and his patience paid off.

Focus on Love and Acceptance

Embrace family. Focus on love and acceptance in your relationship with your parents and family. Regardless of your differences, you’re all of the same genetic material. Families should love and support one another. Appreciate that your parents did their best with what they had.

Maybe there are underlying reasons that they make things more difficult for you. Appreciate that they raised you slightly differently than they were raised. If you don’t see them often, a simple phone call now and again can work wonders to maintain the relationship.

If you live close, you may have to resort to stronger boundaries than someone who lives several hundred miles away from their parents. Go into any senior living facility and walk through. Look at the different people. Are they happy? Are they visiting with others? Your parents are aging just like these people. Try to look at things from a different angle and find a common ground to respect and love them on.

Take Away

It can be challenging at best to navigate the complexities of choosing a different religion than your parents. You may find that sometimes you have to agree to disagree. You may have to reestablish boundaries from time to time.

Keep in mind that love and acceptance are at the heart of your goals with your parents and your connection with them. Even if you believe differently, they still deserve your respect. There are so many ways that family can collide when it comes to religion and relationships.

Focusing on respect and boundaries may be one of the best strategies for you to maintain a relationship with your parents. Remember, they won’t always be here. Strengthening your relationship with your parents while they’re still here is important. One day, you’ll be in their position, hoping your children respect and call you on occasion.